Responding as a Listener

A tough task that listeners have is to respond. Responding might not be as easy when you are expected to comfort and validate the speaker’s experiences and feelings or help them process ideas and make decisions. It is also not easy when you are expected to comprehend a new task, grasp the intended message, positively respond that you got it, and then act upon it. All of these are skills that can be developed depending on the type of listening one is engaged in. In this part of the lesson, we will look at what could be the best way one can respond in different listening contexts.

📺 Watch the video below to learn how ego, desperation, arrogance, and ignorance are the enemy of 5-star listening.

Types of Listening Responses

According to Jason S. Wrench, Narcissa M. Punyanunt-Carter & Katherine S. Thweatt, there are 7 different types of listening responses:

1) Silent Listening Silent listening occurs when no verbal response is given. It can be effective in certain situations and detrimental in others. When utilized appropriately, it can hold significant power, but if used improperly, it may convey the wrong message. Silent listening is suitable when there is no desire to encourage further conversation and when one wants to demonstrate openness to the speaker's ideas.

Sometimes, the absence of a response can provoke anger in people, leading them to believe that the listener is disinterested or attempting to avoid the situation. However, silence may arise from the listener needing time to collect their thoughts or from the recognition that a response would be inappropriate. In certain contexts like counseling, silent listening can prove advantageous as it allows individuals to explore their emotions and gain clarity.

2) Questioning Questioning is a useful approach when seeking answers or information. There are various ways to employ questioning in a sincere and non-directive manner. Different types of questions can be used. Sincere questions aim to elicit genuine answers, while counterfeit questions serve as veiled attempts to convey a message rather than seek information.

📺 Watch the following video to learn how to ask promoting questions as you listen.

3) Paraphrasing Paraphrasing involves restating the speaker's message in your own words, demonstrating understanding. Three types of paraphrasing can be employed: rephrasing the speaker's words to convey their intended meaning, providing examples to illustrate the speaker's point, or reflecting on the underlying theme of the speaker's remarks. Paraphrasing exemplifies attentive listening, as it involves analyzing and comprehending the speaker's information. Paraphrasing can be used to summarize facts and achieve consensus in important discussions. In a business meeting, for instance, it can ensure that all details have been adequately discussed and agreed upon. Paraphrasing is also valuable in accurately grasping personal information. In counseling, for instance, counselors often employ paraphrasing to gain a better understanding of a person's emotions and facilitate analysis.

📺 Watch the video below to have a better understanding of how paraphrasing is done while you are a listener.

4) Empathizing Empathizing aims to convey that you understand and relate to the speaker's information. It is crucial to avoid denying others their right to their own feelings. Statements like "It's not a big deal" or "Who cares?" dismiss the significance of the situation and reflect.

📺 Watch to the video below and check out 5 key phrases you can use as an empathic listener.

5) Supporting At times during discussions, individuals seek your emotional support rather than an analysis of the topic at hand. Various types of supportive responses can be employed, including agreement, offering assistance, praising, providing reassurance, and diverting attention. Receiving support when facing personal problems holds significant value and has been shown to enhance psychological, physical, and relational well-being. To effectively support others, certain criteria must be met: ensuring that your expression of support is genuine, verifying that the person is open to receiving support, and focusing on the present rather than dwelling on the past.

Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, owner and therapist of Pruden Counseling Concepts recommends the following phrases and techniques you can use to show that you are a supportive listener:

A. Please tell me more.

This shows the listener that you are fully attentive and want to hear more of what they have to say.

B. Go on.

This is usually used when a person pauses to ensure you are following, and using this phrase is to show reassurance that they can continue talking.

C. I'm listening.

This is used to invite the person to talk and that you are paying attention to what they say.

D. Lean in/lean forward toward the other person

Using body language as a way to show attentiveness also invites the speaker to speak comfortably.

E. Maintain eye contact

If culturally appropriate, maintaining eye contact is body language that lets the other person know you are following the conversation and ready to respond.

6) Analyzing Analyzing aids in exploring different perspectives and alternatives by offering an interpretation of the speaker's message. However, this approach can be problematic at times. The speaker may struggle to understand your viewpoint or become even more confused by accepting it. To mitigate such issues, certain steps can be taken. Tentatively presenting your interpretation instead of asserting it as an absolute fact can make it more palatable for the speaker. It is essential to be sensitive and considerate in your approach to increase the likelihood of acceptance. Additionally, ensuring the reasonableness of your analysis is crucial. An inaccurate analysis would only lead to further confusion. Furthermore, it is important to ensure that the person is receptive to your analysis and that your motive for offering it is genuinely to assist them. Analyzing provided under any other circumstances would be futile.

7) Evaluating Evaluating involves assessing the thoughts or behaviors of the speaker. Evaluations can be positive, such as acknowledging that something makes sense, or negative, involving passing judgment. Negative evaluations can take the form of critical feedback or constructive criticism. The best chance for evaluations to be well-received is if the person facing the issue explicitly requests an evaluation and if it is genuinely constructive rather than intended as a personal attack.

📺 Watch this example of an Evaluative listening scenario and notice how the listener thinks and asks follow-up evaluative questions to have a general evaluation of the issue at hand.

8) Advising Advising differs from evaluations as it involves offering guidance or suggestions. However, it is not always the optimal solution and can occasionally have adverse effects. To avoid potential harm, four conditions should be met: ensuring that the person is receptive to your advice, verifying their readiness to accept it, having confidence in the correctness of your advice, and making sure that if the advice does not yield the desired outcome, the receiver will not blame you.

📺 Watch how advising can only be one of two options you can offer as a listener.

And, of course, interrupting people as they speak is a big faux pas, and it should be avoided.

📺 Watch the following video to notice the impact of interruption of communication as a listener on relationships.

Non-verbal Cues of a Listener

• Maintain good posture by sitting upright or slightly leaning forward to convey attentiveness.
• Avoid smiling or laughing in serious discussions.
• Use expressive hand gestures and facial expressions to appear dynamic, but avoid excessive hand movements that may come across as unprofessional.
• Remove distractions like phones, drinks, or other items during interviews or meetings.
• Minimize fidgeting or shaking of limbs.
• Make frequent, but not constant, eye contact with interviewers.
• Stay focused on the conversation at hand.
• During group interviews, shift your eye contact among different speakers.
• Keep your hands away from your face and hair.
• Listen attentively and avoid interrupting.
• Maintain open arms, as folded arms can convey defensiveness.
• Vary your vocal tone to convey enthusiasm and emphasize key points.
• Nod to show understanding.
• Pay attention to others' reactions to your statements.
• Read nonverbal cues from others and provide clarification if they appear confused or wrap up if they seem to have heard enough.
• Avoid forced laughter in response to humor.
• Avoid checking the clock or your phone, and show genuine interest to avoid displaying disinterest.
• Respect the personal space preferences of your communication partners.
• Rotate eye contact among speakers during group interviews or networking situations.
• Use a smile to indicate amusement or satisfaction during the conversation.
• Remain calm even if you feel nervous.
• Avoid speaking in a monotonous tone.
• Wait for the person to finish talking before responding.